I'm staring at my kids more. Really staring at every smile, every curve as they smirk, every different kind of expression - I see them all now. I dont know why I never saw them before. I can't say its because I never paid much attention,I did. Im that mom that can be blindfolded and pick my child out a mile away. I'm that mom that knows which child just passed me with my back turned. From the moment they where born, I listened to every different cry, soothed every different worry and entertained every different mood they could possibility be in... But it's still different now. Different because the phrase "live like its your last day " rings so brilliantly true to me , so close to home that I hear my heartbeat as I am typing.
I saw a poem once on a city bus by Meg Atwood.
"I'd like to be the air that inhibits you,
for a moment only,
I'd like to be that unnoticed
and that necessary"
this was back when i was 20 or so ... Back then it reminded me of my high school sweetheart and i wanted nothing more than to be that necessary. My best friend and I would always recite it as if we owned it...
I will never forget how much of an impact this poem was for us. We read it in silence and remained silent the rest of the ride home.
Sometimes moms are that unnoticed but man are we necessary.
I used to want nothing more than to be by myself on Mother's Day. I wanted to stay in bed all day and get well needed sleep or go shopping by myself all day without looking at the clock. Grant it, I will do that - but not today ... Today I want to embrace the reason why there is 1 day out of 365 days put aside every year just for me. It's to remind me that my job is so very important. To remind me that every day should be appreciated just like this day. If at a time I don't feel appreciated which may be very soon, I need to look back at this day.
You see, I don't mind being unnoticed what I want is to know that I am that important in the lives of people around me and in the lives of my children.
that simple moment of time where I need to take a breath and it isn't there- that moment is so necessary. I know now that I am that necessary.
Happy Mother's Day,
May you always feel necessary